Study Grandmaster - The Blog

How to know that you are dealing with teens instead of little kids

// June 20th, 2010 // 1 Comment » // Parenting Guidance

 As little kids blossom into teens, their behavior start to change.

As little kids blossom into teens, their behaviour starts to change. And the way you handle your children should change too. Here are 10 signs you can look out for:

1. Their phone bills at home start to skyrocket.

2. You start to see curfews being broken.

3. They complain that their stereos just don’t have enough amps. You take your earplugs out to hear what they’re saying.

4. If you have boys, you find yourself washing the same clothes many times a week. If you have girls, you will not see the same outfit twice in over a month.

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Are you in tune with your child?

// November 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Parenting Guidance

The Study Grandmaster understand that all parents love their children deeply and do things with good intentions and for the benefits for their loved ones. Unfortunately, kids today think differently and many of the good things are interpreted as wrong stuff by the children. For example, when parents instil a curfew of their kids to come back home early, most kids will interpret this as selffish or dominant.

I totally understand that parents work very hard every single day of their life, for the sake of providing a better life for their children. And when they return from work, instead of seeing their children studying, they see them playing computer games, or outside clubbing, leaving the hosue in a mess. So they end up reprimanding and caning their children which drives the problems deeper and deeper. It really feels frustrating to see their sacrifaces and hard work not able to translate into tangible returns.

As parents, you must understand that kids today think differently. They are more knowledgable, emotional and more exposed to the world. As parents, you need a totally new paradigm and creative strategies to connect with your children, in order to help them stay balanced and emotionally strong until they grow to full adulthood. Loving your kids is not enough anymore, you will need strategies to nurture the winner in your children.

So firstly, you must first understand them and what it is like to live in their word. Let’s do a simple exercise to see how in tune you are with the world of teen. If you a children reading this now, do use this and test your parents. (more…)

Don’t put too much pressure

// October 27th, 2009 // No Comments » // Parenting Guidance

It is not uncommon for parents to wish for the best for their children. Of course, who doesn’t want their kids to excel in everything. We are a performance driven society and the best benchmark of measuring a child’s success is education.

However, many parents have high expectations and put too much pressure on their children. The pressure might become too unbearable for some. In all my years of learning and teaching, I am convinced that a source of motivation for many kids is the pressure from parents.

Some pressure is definitely good. If there is totally no pressure, it is not helpful too. Too much pressure is also harmful. The child might develop depression or develop low confidence due to being not able to please his/her parents.

How do you know the limit of the pressure you have to apply?
Well, take note of these signs (If they happen to display these signs, it means you have put too much pressure):

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How a ‘Gangster’ turns into a Scholar

// September 4th, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Parenting Guidance

I once had a student, named John, who was labeled a gangster by his mother. He dyed his hair, tattooed his arm, and liked to get into fights. He did not like to study. He rather spent his time hanging out with his peers than spending time in school attending classes. He even got into trouble with the law numerous times, and he got released with a stern warning, as he was still young.

Despite repeated pleads and scolding from his mother, he did not change. He continued his old ways, turning a deaf ear to his mother’s nagging. After some his mother gave up hope on him. She condemned him as a gangster, and criticized him for being useless and a pain in the family. She thought that by constantly criticizing and scolding, her son will change for the better. But it turns out to be the other way round! The more she labeled John as a gangster, the more he became like a gangster. The mother was at her wits’ end.

I started to talk to her mother to help her out. I asked her how her son is doing, and she came up with a whole list of faults about him. There is not even a single good remark! No wonder her son behaves in this way. After she has finished her criticism, I told her that her son is special.

And she replied, “What?! Special?! How can he be special? All he knows everyday is to sleep, eat, play and get into fights. He is a gangster!”

I replied by saying, “When I say that your child is special, I did not mean that your child must be very successful or someone great. To be special means that he has his own unique abilities, potentials, and purposes in life. He only needs to be himself to be special.”

Still confused, she said, “I don’t see any potential in him. He is hopeless. He can’t be special.”

I replied by saying, “It is his individual traits that make him unique, and it is these traits that make him uniquely your child. No one can replace him in this world. That is what I mean by being special.”

She became quiet, starting to see some light in her son.

I continued, “In order for him to change, you need to accept him for he is. If you continue to label him as a gangster, you dangerously create a belief inside him that he is really a gangster. And the more you criticized him, the deeper he will sink. If you called your son a naughty boy, guess what will happen to him?”

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Parents make the greatest difference!

// August 24th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Parenting Guidance

After so many years of guidance and education, I have met so many kids who are positive, confident and always eager to learn. Yet, I have also seen so many kids who are negative, rebellious and have no thoughts about their future. I have always wondered what makes the difference? Are they bornt this way? Obvoiusly not! All babies are bornt optimist!

Have you seen a baby crawling around, frowling at the world, mumbling to himself, “Life sucks..” It is only in the process of learning and growing up, they began to be influenced by others and became pessimists. And guess who makes the greatest difference? It is the parents!

Yes, there are many other factors too.. Like the school they go, the friends they have, the teachers they have etc… But in the end, the people who play the biggest role is still the parent. I have found out that a child who comes from a family who have parents who are positive, spend quality time communicating with him and nurturing him, he will turn out to be confident, motivated and successful. This is despite that he came from a poor family and a neighbourhood school.

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Biography of Study Grandmaster #8 - Start of my Playful Antics

// April 19th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Biography of Study Grandmaster

After the death of my dog Fluffy, I became very distraught and unmotivated to study. I felt very sad and missed my dog greatly. My parents told me that I should feel happy to be alive and I sould get over it. If I need a companion, they will buy a new dog to accompany me.

Unfortunately, they do not understand my feelings at all. What I want is Fluffy and no one else. I used to blame them when I was young for not undersatnding my feelings. But now I am older, I understand that they were just too busy with work at that time. I learnt an important lesson that parents should pace their child’s emotions first before expressing their own views. They should not just push their emotions aside.

Grandmaster lesson 8:

Always pace your child’s emotions first before sharing your own views

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Bonding Communication with your Child

// February 23rd, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Parenting Guidance

 Mum: So, you finally decided to come home! How many times have I told you not to go out so late? Why are you always hanging out with your stupid friends who do not study at all?

Son: Mum, please do not call my friends stupid ok? You are so rude!

Mum: What?! You dare to call me rude! I am teaching you how to be a good boy and this is what I get. If it is not for those friends of yours, you will not have flunk your latest exam!

Son: (Silence and shakes head) Walks back to room.

Mum: Hey, you are not going anywhere tonight until we settle this!

Son: Mum! What is the point of talking? Everytime we talk about it, we end up quarelling. I am tired.

Mum: Then why must you always defy me and make me so angry? I am just being concerned for you by not letting you go out so late. Shouldn’t you be focusing on your studies instead of staying out so late? Tell me frankly, are you learning smoking? Do not let me catch you, or else…

Son: Mum! Stop it! I am not, ok?! I don’t want to talk anymore, I am tired.
(Walks back room and slam the door)

Mum: (Banging the door) Come out! We are going to settle this tonight no matter what.

Son: (Finally opens the door) Can you stop banging the door? I am not a little kid! I knows what to do!

Mum: Know what to do?! If you know what to do, then you will not be hanging out so late everytime and you should be studying hard so you can get good results. It is for your own future!

Son: I cannot take this anymore. I am going out.

Mum: COME BACK!!!

(Door slammed)

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